Have you ever noticed that what triggers annoyance in you about other people is really something that you need to work on yourself? It is almost as if we project our worst selves onto other people, so that we do not have to resolve it IN ourselves.
For example, if you are a super organized person and you happen to live with someone who rarely makes the bed, you are going to have conflicts. Without a doubt, it is a sure bet. So what do you do about it?
The first thing is to recognize that your belief that organization is critical to a happy and contented life…is truly your belief – it belongs to you. If the other person does not hold that belief, then conflict is insured when you try to impose your belief on them. The reality is that you are living with a person who has a different belief about orderliness than you. There is no good or bad in that difference. There is only the difference. Trying to convert them to your way of thinking is a recipe for disaster (as I am sure you have already discovered).
So what to do?
This is a great time to do your own work, on yourself. Why do you believe that organization is as essential as breathing? What agreements did you make in the past that you now equate with this belief? Keep asking yourself these questions without criticism or judgment. It is almost as if you are an archeologist on an exciting dig to discover the long lost key to your present behavior. Maintain a sense of objectivity about the exploration, and I guarantee you will eventually discover the root cause of your belief. At the end of the day, it is always the same answer.
When you think over your childhood, did you use organization as a way to control your world? Was security somehow tied into how you made your bed or how clean your room was? Did you only receive approval from your parents if you were neat, orderly and well-mannered?
If this simple example rings true for you, please check out the following website: http://www.The Work.com. The central
question asked in the process described by Byron Katie is this: “Who would you be without your story?” She has created four questions that lead you into self-exploration of your beliefs, and leads you out of the need to cling to your story. Peace and freedom are the end result.
No one can discover these sponsoring beliefs except for you. Only you lived through your life. Only you made the choice to believe that one is better than another. And only you can decide that if your past choice no longer holds true for you today, that it is time to choose again.
Release the beliefs that hold you back, and you will see what you really are – an innocent kitten who is blameless and who just wants to grow up to her full potential.
Thank you for being my mirror. Without you, I would not see what I need to see in myself.